Recently I was asked for an InnerTalk program recommendation to increase will power and self-discipline. In this instance, the gentleman I was speaking with told me that he had achieved his desired weight loss and had also stopped smoking, but now he wanted something to keep the temptations at bay—he had found himself asking why just one cigarette mattered, or that one dessert, and he knew that this would be a slippery slope.
On the surface, it would appear that will power is a pretty important character trait necessary for achieving goals. I know that I have certainly witnessed some pretty incredible results from what, on the surface, looks like sheer will power. Nine years ago now, Eldon had triple bypass surgery—the recovery was not easy but today his doctors report that his heart is as strong as that of a 28-year-old man! So how did he do this? After his surgery, whatever Eldon was told to do to increase his chances of recovery, he did twice as much of. We played InnerTalk programs almost constantly to maximize his body’s own healing powers (Accelerated Healing, Cardiac Care and Recovery, and Pre & Post Operative), and as soon as he could, he started working out. These days, almost every evening he heads to our exercise room to use the exercise bike, treadmill and bow-flex, generally putting in an hour and often more—even on days when we are both dead beat! My husband has a will power that is made of iron and I am often in total awe of him.
The Problem With Will Power
You would have thought that, when I was asked for a recommendation for an InnerTalk program to improve will power, I would choose the obvious choice, Self-Disciplined and Determined. This program includes affirmations such as, “I have will power, I apply myself, I set goals. I achieve my goals, I am in control,” etc, and on the surface it would appear that this was exactly what this gentleman was looking for. I did of course mention this program but then I took this gentleman in a different direction
You see, not long ago, Eldon interviewed Prof Dan Ariely on his Provocative Enlightenment radio show. Prof. Ariely teaches at Duke University and his research focuses on why people often fail to act in their own best interest. This was a fascinating interview full of wonderful snippets of information that were most enlightening. One of the tidbits that Prof. Ariely shared on the air was the fact that will power and determination are a limited resource, and when they run out, most people will not only give in but can in fact over indulge. Well, I can certainly relate to that and I am sure that you can too!
The Internal Fight
Relying on will power can often feel like fighting against your self—that piece of chocolate cake would be so soothing why should I have to forgo it just to lose weight? Surely just one piece cannot hurt? Or, what harm would it do to miss my exercise routine just tonight (or for a second night), surely I need some time to relax? Or, I can study tomorrow, taking one night off will not put me that far behind and the break will be good for me! Or, I will work on writing my book this afternoon—hopefully inspiration will have hit me by then! So instead of simply telling this gentleman about Self-Disciplined and Determined, I suggested that he also look at the issue from another angle. Rather than taking a combative approach to the problem, why not simply eliminate the root cause—the belief that you need to indulge the issue in the first place?
Positive Self Talk
The beauty of InnerTalk programs is that they work not by addressing a problem, but by priming your self-talk with that of someone who does not have the particular problem. So the person who finds it easy to eat healthfully does not tell themselves they must not have that piece of pie, but instead their self talk says “I enjoy healthy foods, I like fruit, I drink water, I respect myself, I leave something on my plate,” etc. The person who does not smoke will have self-talk along the lines of, “I enjoy a smoke free life. I treat myself with respect. My breath is fresh. I like fresh breath. I appreciate my body. I am proud of my choices,” etc. I cannot tell you how often I have spoken with someone who has worked with our Weight Loss Now program and been told stories along the lines of, “I went to the freezer to get some ice cream but decided that the fresh apple on the kitchen counter looked more appetizing,” or “I went to the cupboard to get a snack and realized that I was not hungry after all.” Or the person who played the Stop Smoking program at night while they slept and their partner decided to stop smoking as well!
Priming yourself with self-talk that supports your goals is simply a much easier way to achieve success, than relying on will power. So how was my husband so successful with his goals? He told me that he does not focus on the exercise but instead he focuses on his family. He chooses to exercise as this has been shown to be the best way to improve heart health and he wants to live a long time so he can take care of me and our boys. By focusing on his love for us, the tedium of exercise just slips away! Plus, his will power is simply awesome!
What kind of self-talk would be supportive of your goals?
Wishing you love, light and laughter, always,
Ravinder Taylor
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The Science of InnerTalk
Remember, InnerTalk has been researched at numerous independent universities and institutions (such as Stanford University), and been demonstrated effective at priming how you speak to yourself. When your self-talk changes, so does the reality you experience!
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