We often think that it takes a great deal of self-discipline and a strong will to achieve certain goals, but recently I learned that self-kindness can be just as effective a strategy. Now, there have certainly been times that I wished my own will power and self-discipline were as strong as Eldon’s. When the doctor recommended that he lose 10lbs, he went and lost 20; when he was told he should work out a little, he purchased some exercise equipment and now does an hour of exercise at least 5 times a week and this kind of pattern is very typical for him. For me however, sometimes I feel that the more determined I am to achieve a particular goal, the more likely I am to fail at it. However, as I said, I recently learned self-kindness could be another effective success strategy.
If you are one of my Facebook friends, you will know that I have the greatest respect for all animal life. Not too long ago, I saw yet another one of those videos that exposes animal cruelty, and it really upset me. However, unlike the other videos I saw, this one sparked a desire within me to do something more than just express horror at what I had seen—I had to do something tangible. Now, don’t worry, this e-mail is not about converting anyone to vegan-ism, but rather it is about how I managed to succeed at a goal that I thought would be totally impossible for me.
The Value of Trying
Even at the height of my outrage with the animal farming industry, I never planned to become vegan. I have been a vegetarian most of life, and that was easy for me, but I could not see how I could eliminate dairy products as they have been a major part of my diet all of my life. When I started this whole process, I decided to simply try to eliminate dairy and eggs when I was eating out. I could continue to consume it at home, where I would make sure that the milk and cheese were organic, hoping that this also meant ‘better care for the animal.’ We have our own chickens, so I will have a supply of the happiest eggs possible for a number of years yet. As Eldon and I often eat out, there were plenty of opportunities for me to try to avoid these products. At first, I found it almost impossible (unless I only ate salads and they get old very quickly!), so all I could do was cheer myself on after those rare occasions that I was successful. My thinking was that, at least I was reducing my animal footprint, and that had to be a good thing.
At first I was kind of timid in restaurants when I found little on the menu that had any appeal at all. However, with practice (and some help from the InnerTalk program for Confidence, Esteem, and Assertiveness), I became really good at spotting items on the menu that could be combined in different ways to get me a meal that I would find satisfying and I learned to speak up. To my surprise, I discovered very quickly that most restaurants are eager to find ways to come up with creative menu solutions. And, when I find a restaurant where the servers are not respecting of my wishes, or in a few rare instances, downright rude in their ridicule, I just vote with my dollars and never return.
Tea versus Coffee
There was one area though where I had a huge problem, and this is the real reason why I believed becoming vegan would be an impossible goal for me. While I think of myself as very American these days, there is a part of me that is still very Indian/English, particularly when it comes to my tea. Just as Eldon cannot envision a morning without several cups of coffee, I could not imagine I could ever be happy without my morning ‘cuppa,’ which of course has to have milk in it. I tried almond milk and coconut milk, and they were disgusting. I tried various vegan creamers and they made me want to throw up. Soy milk was kind of acceptable but then I learned all the reasons why soy was not good for you either. This testing process went on for a couple of years and in time I found that, when I give it up for one day just to see if I could, then I could do it a second day more easily. So what if after 5 days I broke down and had my traditional cup of tea—the day after my indulgence I would just get back on the ‘horse’ and try again. Eventually, I did manage to totally wean myself off it, finding a lightly sweetened and diluted version of Eldon’s coffee kind of pleasant. Success!!
Now, here is where I feel that the ‘gods’ decided to reward all of my efforts. I am often experimenting with recipes and I had found a cinnamon/maple cashew cream recipe that made a good topping for deserts. One day, I had the genius idea of trying this in coffee, and it made the most delicious, creamy concoction ever. I tried it in hot chocolate and it was the best hot chocolate ever. I then made a plain version and tried it in a cup of tea—sheer bliss! Now I could have a real cup of tea and still feel good about my dreams and myself!
Be Kind to Yourself
Today, about two years after I started this particular journey, I feel that I am about 80% successful at my conversion to a fully vegan lifestyle. In fact, I still call myself a ‘vegan wannabe!’ To many, especially those who think that vegetarianism and veganism are stupid, I am a failure and they often tell me that I should be sensible and quit my dream. However, I feel that I have been successful at significantly reducing my animal footprint, and that makes me feel good. But think of these other examples: If your goal was to lose 50 pounds and you had lost 40 pounds so far, would you be feeling good about yourself? If you wanted to eventually run a marathon, and after 3 years of training you had managed to run 20 miles, would you be feeling good—especially if prior to starting your training you had not run at all in 4 decades? If you decided to learn how to play a musical instrument after hearing some virtuoso play, and then found you could only play as well as the majority of professional entertainers, would you again feel good about yourself? Or maybe you can only play at home for personal enjoyment—at least you can play and have fun doing so. There is nothing better than that feeling of personal achievement—you don’t have to be 100% successful, you just need to know that you are on the right track. Sometimes it really does have nothing to do with winning or losing, but rather on how you played the game! So be kind to yourself, take it one day at a time, complement yourself when you succeed, and allow yourself to do a better job next time when you fail. Soon your successes will outweigh your failures and the impossible will have become possible!
Wishing you Love, Light and Laughter, always!
Ravinder Taylor
P.S. If you enjoy these newsletters, please remember to share them with your friends and family. There are easy share buttons at the top of this newsletter. You can also friend Eldon and Me on Facebook as we both love interacting with you all. You can also read (and subscribe to) Eldon’s regular blog here.
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The Science of InnerTalk
Remember, InnerTalk has been researched at numerous independent universities and institutions (such as Stanford University), and been demonstrated effective at priming how you speak to yourself. When your self-talk changes, so does the reality you experience!
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