I’ve watched this happen often enough that I recognize the reaction almost immediately. Someone discovers how old Eldon is and, more often than not, there is a double take. They look at him, process the number they’ve just heard, and then look at him again as though the two pieces of information simply don’t belong together.
Doctors have done it. Healthcare professionals have done it. New friends and casual acquaintances do it. We’ve even had doctors look at Eldon, look back at the age in his medical records, and then look at Eldon again in disbelief.
I have to admit, we both enjoy it. Who wouldn’t? But those reactions also give us something more important: they reinforce our determination to keep doing what we’re doing. Doctors regularly say exactly that to both of us: “Keep doing what you’re doing.” And when one of us has faced a physical challenge, we’ve also heard variations of, “You’re strong. You’ll handle this easily.”
That feels good too, but I don’t think what people are seeing is simply good health. I think some people really are younger than they are.
What Does “Young” Actually Look Like?
Obviously, I’m not talking about chronological age. The date on Eldon’s birth certificate doesn’t change just because someone thinks he looks younger. But what actually makes us perceive someone as young?
We notice how they move, their posture, their energy and the animation in their face. We notice their curiosity and enthusiasm, how quickly they laugh, whether they’re interested in what’s happening around them and whether they’re excited about something that hasn’t happened yet. And all of those things affect appearance too.
Think about how different you can look after a terrible night’s sleep. You’re tired, your posture changes, your face may be less animated, your skin can look duller and the lines on your face may suddenly seem more noticeable. You can look older because, at that moment, you feel older.
Now think about what happens when you’re rested, energized and genuinely excited about something. You stand differently, you move differently, your eyes are brighter, your face is animated and you smile more readily. You look younger because what is happening inside you is being expressed on the outside.
When Did We Decide We Were Old?
Of course, you don’t have to be anywhere near retirement age to start feeling old. I remember people becoming positively depressed about turning 30. Thirty! Once you have a few more decades behind you, the idea that 30 could possibly be “old” seems almost comical, but it didn’t necessarily feel ridiculous to the person turning 30.
Then 40 arrives. Or 50. Or 60. Every milestone comes with another collection of cultural expectations about what we’re supposed to look like, feel like, want, wear, attempt or stop attempting. It is extraordinarily easy to join the crowd.
You may be working full time, raising a family, caring for parents, dealing with financial pressures, or simply exhausted from years of having too much to do. You feel tired, and somewhere along the way tired starts becoming old. Then the cultural messages reinforce it: “That’s what happens at your age.” “You’re not getting any younger.” “Just wait. It gets worse.”
The danger is that we begin treating those statements as instructions.
Too Busy Living to Grow Old
One of the things Eldon and I eventually realized about ourselves is that we’re happiest when we’re in growth mode. For much of our lives, growth happened naturally. We were building careers, raising a family, expanding our work, moving into new homes, learning new skills and taking on new challenges.
But growth doesn’t have to stop simply because the traditional milestones change, nor does growth mean constantly working or being productive. If you’re still working and love what you do, wonderful. Keep finding things that interest and challenge you. If you’re exhausted by the treadmill you’ve been running on for years, growth may mean deciding that you no longer want to live that way.
If you’re retired, learn something simply because you’ve always wanted to know it. Take up a hobby. Travel. Garden. Paint. Exercise. Spend time with people you love. Read all afternoon. Sit beside the water and watch the world go by. If you want to spend hours meditating, then meditate — and appreciate the fact that you have created a life in which you can do so.
Self-care is doing something. Play is doing something. Rest is doing something when it restores you and allows you to engage more fully with your life. The point isn’t to stay busy. The point is to stay engaged.
Still Becoming
I think this is one of the most important distinctions we can make about growing older. Staying young has less to do with desperately holding on to who you used to be and much more to do with continuing to become someone new.
There should still be things ahead of you: something you want to learn, something you want to experience, somewhere you want to go, something you want to understand, someone you want to spend more time with, or a part of yourself you finally have time to explore. That doesn’t mean you have to accomplish something impressive. It simply means tomorrow still contains possibilities, and when tomorrow still contains possibilities, we have a reason to remain curious about it.
Perhaps that’s one reason some people seem so much younger. They’re simply too busy living — too engaged with life — to stop and think about conforming to society’s idea of old age.
What Are You Practicing?
The problem is that while we’re trying to remain engaged with life, we’re surrounded by messages telling us how we’re supposed to age. We can’t realistically insulate ourselves from them. They’re everywhere — television, advertising, jokes, social media, conversations with friends and family. Even people who love us can unconsciously reinforce the idea that we’re becoming less capable simply because another birthday has passed.
That means there has to be a counterbalance. If the outside world repeatedly tells you that you’re slowing down, becoming forgetful, losing relevance and approaching the age when you should start stepping back, then it makes sense to deliberately reinforce a very different conversation on the inside.
You are still capable. You are still learning. You are still interested. You are still growing and still becoming.
The InnerTalk Counterbalance
This is where I believe InnerTalk can be particularly valuable. InnerTalk doesn’t somehow make someone look younger or more vibrant. Their beliefs do that.
Our beliefs affect the way we approach life, what we attempt, how we carry ourselves, what we expect from our bodies and minds, and whether we interpret getting older as permission to withdraw or another opportunity to grow. InnerTalk simply gives us a practical way to keep reinforcing the beliefs we choose rather than allowing the loudest messages around us to make that choice for us.
That’s one reason the Forever Young collection contains several different programs rather than one simple message about “thinking young.” It addresses vitality, health, enthusiasm, memory, adaptability, self-image and other beliefs that together help create a very different internal picture of what growing older can mean.
We may not be able to stop the world from telling us what our age is supposed to mean, but we don’t have to keep agreeing with it.
Maybe that is ultimately what staying young is really about. Not pretending you are the person you were 20 or 30 years ago, and not desperately trying to hold on to the past, but waking up tomorrow with something still ahead of you. Still interested. Still engaged. Still growing. Still becoming.
Warmly,
Ravinder Taylor
“The Platinum Plus Fountain of Youth music is so beautiful I am moved to a state of heavenly bliss every time I listen to it (and people keep telling me how much younger I look, so it’s working!).”
~ K. P.