Have you ever had something genuinely awful happen and had someone tell you, “Just think positive”?
I don’t know about you, but there are times when that kind of advice is about the last thing I want to hear. If I am grieving, I need to grieve. If I am angry because something important has happened, I need to acknowledge that anger. Telling myself I don’t feel something doesn’t make the feeling disappear.
I have often said that grief is simply the other side of love. If you had not loved as deeply, you probably wouldn’t hurt as much when you lost someone. But would you really have preferred not to have loved in the first place? I wouldn’t.
Our so-called negative emotions are part of being human. Sometimes they are telling us something we need to know. So when I talk about optimism and positive thinking, I am definitely not suggesting that we paste a smile over whatever is really going on. But here is where it gets interesting.
There Are Some Very Good Reasons to Be Optimistic
When Eldon and I were researching Mind Training, I was fascinated by just how much research has been done on optimism, happiness and positive emotions.
One major review looked at studies involving more than 275,000 people. Happier people were more likely to have fulfilling marriages and relationships, higher incomes, better work performance, greater community involvement, better health and longer lives. That doesn’t mean happiness automatically gives you a wonderful marriage, a successful career and a long life. Life is much more complicated than that. But it does raise a fascinating question: What are optimistic people doing differently?
- If I believe a problem can be solved, I am more likely to keep looking for a solution.
- If I believe tomorrow might be better, I have more reason to do something today that could help make it better.
- And if I believe opportunities exist, I am more likely to look for them—and perhaps recognize one when it appears.
A different expectation about tomorrow can change what we do today. And what we do today can change what happens tomorrow.
The Upward Spiral
I love a term psychologists Barbara Fredrickson and Thomas Joiner used in their research: the upward spiral effect. Their research suggests that positive emotions can broaden the way we think and help us build psychological resources that make it easier to cope with future challenges. In other words, feeling better today may help us develop some of the resources that make it easier to feel and function better tomorrow.
Think about how easily this could happen. A little more optimism encourages us to try something. Trying gives us a small success. That increases our confidence, which makes us more willing to try the next thing. Or perhaps we feel more sociable, so we call a friend. We enjoy the conversation, our mood lifts, and suddenly we feel like doing something else. Nothing miraculous happened. And yet, little by little, life can begin to feel different.
To me, this is one of the most exciting things about mind training. We aren’t necessarily looking for one enormous transformation. Sometimes we are simply trying to change the direction of the spiral.
When the Spiral Goes the Other Way
Of course, this can work against us too. When we feel blue, we may turn down an invitation, stop doing something we normally enjoy or simply notice fewer of the little things that might otherwise have given us pleasure. Our inner dialogue may also become more pessimistic: What’s the point? Nothing ever works out. Things probably won’t get any better.
The more often we think this way, the more normal those thoughts can begin to feel. That’s one reason the blues can matter beyond how we feel today. Our emotional state can influence what we expect, what we notice and what we do—and those things can help shape our experiences tomorrow.
This doesn’t mean we should blame ourselves for feeling bad. It means there may be places where we can begin gently changing the direction.
Something as Simple as a Smile
Here is one of my favorite examples of just how surprising these connections can be.
Researchers Ernest Abel and Michael Kruger studied photographs of professional baseball players from the 1952 Baseball Register. Players who weren’t smiling lived an average of 72.9 years. Those with partial smiles averaged about two years longer. Those with broad Duchenne smiles—the kind that involve the muscles around the eyes—averaged 79.9 years, about seven years longer than the non-smiling group.
Now, please don’t take that to mean smiling broadly for a camera will add seven years to your life! This was an association, and there can be all sorts of reasons behind it. But isn’t it fascinating?
Another study looked at women’s college yearbook photographs and found that those showing more positive emotional expression were more likely to have favorable marriage and personal well-being outcomes decades later. A smile in an old photograph may be capturing something about the way a person engages with life that reaches far beyond that single moment. I find that rather wonderful.
When Positivity Becomes Denial
With all this research supporting optimism, it would be easy to conclude that we should simply try to be positive all the time. I don’t believe that. There is a huge difference between optimism and denial.
Toxic positivity insists that everything is fine when it isn’t. We can do this to other people with comments such as “Look on the bright side” or “Don’t be sad,” which can be incredibly dismissive when someone is genuinely hurting. But we can also do it to ourselves, burying fear, anger, sadness or pessimism underneath a layer of I’m fine. Everything’s wonderful. I’m staying positive.
Healthy optimism can acknowledge two things at the same time: This is difficult. This is real. And I still believe something better is possible.
- If my business has a problem, optimism doesn’t mean ignoring the numbers.
- If I lose someone I love, it doesn’t require me to stop grieving.
Reality deserves our attention. But there is a difference between acknowledging what is wrong today and deciding that nothing can be better tomorrow.
Changing the Conversation
This brings me back to our Overcoming the Blues album. When someone has been feeling blue for a while, the problem may no longer be limited to whatever originally triggered those feelings. Certain ways of thinking can become habitual too.
The programs in Overcoming the Blues aren’t designed to tell you that everything is wonderful when it isn’t. They work with the habitual self-talk that can reinforce stress, unnecessary fear, isolation, pessimistic expectations and discouragement, replacing it with more constructive self-talk supporting optimism, personal peace, connection, joy, enthusiasm and serenity.
And that is why the collection approaches emotional well-being from several directions. Sometimes stress is part of the picture. Sometimes it is unnecessary fear or loneliness. Sometimes we have simply stopped expecting very much from life—or forgotten what it feels like to become genuinely enthusiastic about something.
The aim isn’t forced happiness. It is to help create an inner environment in which more positive thoughts and expectations have room to grow, while still allowing us to deal honestly with whatever life brings.
Which Way Is Your Spiral Going?
I keep coming back to that upward spiral because there is something enormously hopeful about the idea that one small positive change can make another positive change a little easier.
Perhaps you call a friend. Perhaps you catch yourself thinking nothing ever works out and realize that ever probably isn’t true. Perhaps you notice something beautiful or find yourself looking forward to something.
And perhaps one of those little changes makes the next one easier. That isn’t toxic positivity. It isn’t pretending. It is simply refusing to let today’s blues automatically write tomorrow’s story.
Special Offer — Overcoming the Blues + Developing Resilience
For a limited time, our complete Overcoming the Blues album is available for:
- $99 — MP3 Download
- $119 — Physical CDs
We’re also including Developing Resilience as a free bonus. I particularly like pairing these programs because resilience isn’t about never being knocked off balance. It is about developing the inner resources that help us recover, adapt and move forward when life inevitably gives us something difficult to deal with.
Overcoming the Blues supports qualities that can help shift the emotional environment—optimism, connection, joy, enthusiasm, peace and serenity—while Developing Resilience supports our ability to recover when life knocks that environment off balance.
→ Explore the Overcoming the Blues album here.
Because perhaps feeling better isn’t only about enjoying today a little more. Perhaps it can also change what becomes possible tomorrow.
Warmly,
Ravinder Taylor
*Please note: this is a limited time special offer that expires at 11:59 PM Pacific Time on Monday, August 31, 2026.
“Since listening to my subliminal recordings, I don’t mind going to work anymore. I’m very cheerful and I’m no longer moody. I am also getting so I don’t take offense about what others say or do. I am now much happier and at peace.”
~ B. D. G.