{"id":552,"date":"2016-09-14T08:24:02","date_gmt":"2016-09-14T08:24:02","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.innertalk.com\/blog\/?p=552"},"modified":"2016-09-14T08:24:02","modified_gmt":"2016-09-14T08:24:02","slug":"traumatic-and-enlightening-the-importance-of-remembering","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.innertalk.com\/blog\/2016\/09\/14\/traumatic-and-enlightening-the-importance-of-remembering\/","title":{"rendered":"Traumatic and Enlightening: The Importance of Remembering!"},"content":{"rendered":"

Dear Friend,<\/p>\n

I had the most interesting experience this last week\u2014a little traumatic (in an unexpected way) and most enlightening. My sister found some old class pictures online and forwarded them to me. These photos included me from age 6 up to age 10\/11. Now, the trauma didn’t come from just seeing old photos\u2014embarrassing fashions from the early 70s\u2014but rather from the memories evoked by the first picture that then cascaded through all the pictures and then through the rest of my time in school.<\/p>\n

\"Our<\/p>\n

Our wounded inner child!<\/h2>\n

As first I wasn’t even sure if the first picture was of me, as it could have been my sister. However, I fully remember that classroom and sitting in that exact seat doing art. I also remember another time when I was sitting at the other side of the same table, about where the photographer was standing. Both of these memories involved me being told off<\/em> by the teacher for doing something wrong\/being bad<\/em>.<\/p>\n

\"Ravinder<\/p>\n

Memories<\/h2>\n

In one memory, we were working on our choice of art project and I decided it would be really cool to draw lines dividing the large sheet of paper into quarters and then into eighths, and then I set about coloring each of these triangles in. However, it was a large piece of paper and I saw pretty quickly that, not only would the end result be unpleasing to the eye, but that it would also take a long time to complete the nonsensical task. I therefore scrumpled up the paper and went to throw it away, only to be told off by the teacher for being wasteful. I was 5\/6 years old, in a class of children I barely knew, being reprimanded by an adult stranger who had absolute authority over me. I was afraid of her, afraid of not being good, and afraid that my classmates would witness my humiliation. The teacher was totally uninterested in my reason for not wanting to finish the project\u2014my practical and realistic reasoning did not matter! I never told anyone about this incident and locked the memory away for almost 50 years.<\/p>\n

In the next memory, the school bell had just rung for the end of the day. The teacher told the class to be quiet and sit up straight so we could all be dismissed. At first I sat up straight but then I observed the other children. Like lots of kids who compete to be the best so the teacher will pick them, they were all sitting up so straight and tall that their bottoms barely skimmed their chairs, and all of them were bouncing in their excitement at doing this task the best. Suddenly I saw how ludicrous this all was. The point was for the class to be quiet and calm, so they would then leave the classroom in an orderly way. This did not require trying to reach the ceiling with their heads while still remaining in their seats, and they were anything but calm\u2014excitement was waiting to explode out of each and every one of them! I therefore sat back in my seat, perfectly quiet and well behaved\u2014even back then I had an aversion to mindless sheeple behavior! Unfortunately my teacher was not impressed and I was kept behind and reprimanded for my bad behavior! This story I kept to myself as well, only telling Eldon about it 40 years later.<\/p>\n

The trauma<\/em> that arose from seeing this one photograph came in the realization that that six-year-old little girl was still within me. Seeing that one photograph brought back all of those memories as though they had just happened . . . and a host of other memories too.<\/p>\n

Little Traumas \u2013 Big Traumas!<\/h2>\n

A new school year has just started and lots of people are posting pictures of their kids in their new clothes, white socks and backpacks stuffed with books. It’s a time of great pride, and many kids are excited about being a year older. Unfortunately, what I realized in seeing these pictures and remembering stories that everyone shares at some time or another, was that school sucks<\/em>! If we are the lucky ones, then our school years will have a number of these little traumas\u2014being the last to be picked, not being the teacher’s favorite (again!), not being pretty enough, tough enough, or smart enough, and being laughed at. And overlying all of this is being under the control of strange adults!<\/p>\n

A Sacred Task<\/h2>\n

Now, it is popular to think of all teachers as being wonderful people choosing to make a career out of this sacred task, but this is not true. I can think back through all of the teachers I have had, the many anecdotes Eldon has shared with me, all of the stories my friends have shared with me, and certainly through all of the teachers our sons have had, and yes, there are some truly bright lights that shine out. However, there are numerous teachers who do the bare minimum, who think of our precious kids as some kind of commodity they have to put up with, who get off on the power they hold and actually enjoy telling kids off. I know this is not a politically correct thing to discuss, but I also know that it is the truth.<\/p>\n

Unfortunately, the problem is not just with the teachers as there are all the kids, vying to be top dog. Some kids are bullied badly, but most kids experience some of this at some point or another. The caricatures that make for great, hysterically funny, school based movies, are not so funny in real life. The mean girls mentality is a real thing. I know, for me, all I ever wanted in school was to be normal and accepted, and I know this holds for the vast majority of kids.<\/p>\n

False Trust<\/h2>\n

It was a very sad moment when I realized that the emotional trauma I experienced to differing degrees throughout my school days, is actually commonplace, even normal! Within us all, there is a hurt, insecure child who relives the humiliations we have buried, and pains we dare not share. But we forget about them, and tell our kids how much fun they will have in school and how quickly they will adjust. We trust the government and the school system to take care of our kids, but this trust is betrayed over and over again. And we really cannot expect anything else as no one can take care of our kids and love them as we do.<\/p>\n

Helping Our Children<\/h2>\n

Today, I know for a fact that our children need more help. They need someone to talk to, someone who sees through the brave face they put on things, someone who does not gloss over their problems telling them that tomorrow will be better. They need a way to believe in themselves, even when the going gets tough. As our two boys were growing up, we played InnerTalk programs<\/a> to them frequently; picking up whichever title we thought was appropriate at the time. Today, based on my recent experience, we should have played InnerTalk programs<\/a> for them even more\u2014every night! Right now we cannot change the system, but we can do everything in our power to diminish the damage being done to our children’s psyches.<\/p>\n

We offer a large range of InnerTalk titles\u2014prosperity<\/a> and staying young<\/a> are amongst the most popular issues. Our least popular titles are our titles for children \"Very.\u00a0 I had not planned on having any special offer in this week’s newsletter, but now I feel I have to because this is just too important. As such, our most important kid’s programs are being offered at a 50% discount.* Choose from:<\/p>\n