var mess = new Array( 'Never underestimate the power of your actions
You may shed a tear with this one but it\'s good

One day, when I was a freshman in high school, I saw a kid from my class was walking home from school. His name was Kyle. It looked like he was carrying all of his books. I thought to myself, \"Why would anyone bring home all his books on a Friday? He must really be a nerd.\"

I had quite a weekend planned (parties and a football game with my friends tomorrow afternoon), so I shrugged my shoulders and went on. As I was walking, I saw a bunch of kids running toward him. They ran at him, knocking all his books out of his arms and tripping him so he landed in the dirt.

His glasses went flying, and I saw them land in the grass about ten feet from him. He looked up and I saw this terrible sadness in his eyes.

My heart went out to him. So I jogged over to him, and as he crawled around looking for his glasses, I saw a tear in his eye. As I handed him his glasses, I said, \"Those guys are jerks. They really should get lives.\" He looked at me and said, \"Hey thanks!\" There was a big smile on his face. It was one of those smiles that showed real gratitude.

I helped him pick up his books, and asked him where he lived. As it turned out, he lived near me, so I asked him why I had never seen him before. He said he had gone to private school before now. I have never hung out with a private school kid before. We talked all the way home, and I carried his books. He turned out to be a pretty cool kid.

I asked him if he wanted to play football on Saturday with me and my friends. He said yes. We hung all weekend and the more I got to know Kyle, the more I liked him. And my friends thought the same of him.

Monday morning came, and there was Kyle with the huge stack of books again. I stopped him and said, \"Damn boy, you are gonna really build some serious muscles with this pile of books everyday!\" He just laughed and handed me half the books.

Over the next four years, Kyle and I became best friends. When we were seniors, we began to think about college. Kyle decided on Georgetown, and I was going to Duke. I knew that we would always be friends, that the miles would never be a problem. He was going to be a doctor, and I was going for business on a football scholarship. Kyle was valedictorian of our class. I teased him all the time about being a nerd. He had to prepare a speech for graduation. I was so glad it wasn\'t me having to get up there and speak.

Graduation day, I saw Kyle. He looked great. He was one of those guys that really found himself during high school. He filled out and actually looked good in glasses. He had more dates than me and all the girls loved him! Boy, sometimes I was jealous.

Today was one of those days. I could see that he was nervous about His speech. So, I smacked him on the back and said, \"Hey, big guy, you\'ll be great!\" He looked at me with one of those looks (the really grateful one) and smiled. \"Thanks,\" he said. As he started his speech, he cleared his throat, and began. \"Graduation is a time to thank those who helped you make it through those tough years i.e. your parents, your teachers, your siblings, maybe a coach... but mostly your friends.

I am here to tell all of you that being a friend to someone is the best gift you can give. I am going to tell you a story.\" I just looked at my friend with disbelief as he told the story of the first day we met. He had planned to kill himself over the weekend. He talked of how he had cleaned out his locker so his Mom wouldn\'t have to do it later and was carrying his stuff home. He looked hard at me and gave me a little smile. \"Thankfully, I was saved. My friend saved me from doing the unspeakable.\" I heard the gasp go through the crowd as this handsome, popular boy told us all about his weakest moment. I saw his Mom and Dad looking at me and smiling that same grateful smile.

Not until that moment did I realize it\'s depth.

Never underestimate the power of your actions. With one small gesture you can change a person\'s life, for better or for worse. God puts us all in each other\'s lives to impact one another in some way. Look for God in others.

Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.\"', '', 'RESIGNATION

I am hereby officially tendering my resignation as an adult. I have decided I would like to accept the responsibilities of an 8 year-old again.

I want to go to McDonald\'s and think that it\'s a four star restaurant.

I want to sail sticks across a fresh mud puddle and make a sidewalk with rocks.

I want to think M&Ms are better than money because you can eat them.

I want to lie under a big oak tree and run a lemonade stand with my friends on a hot summer\'s day.

I want to return to a time when life was simple; When all you knew were colors, multiplication tables, and nursery rhymes, but that didn\'t bother you, because you didn\'t know what you didn\'t know and you didn\'t care.

All you knew was to be happy because you were blissfully unaware of all the things that should make you worried or upset.

I want to think the world is fair. That everyone is honest and good.

I want to believe that anything is possible. I want to be oblivious to the complexities of life and be overly excited by the little things again.

I want to live simple again. I don\'t want my day to consist of computer crashes, mountains of paperwork, depressing news, how to survive more days in the month than there is money in the bank, doctor bills, gossip, illness, and loss of loved ones.

I want to believe in the power of smiles, hugs, a kind word, truth, justice, peace, dreams, the imagination, mankind, and making angels in the snow.

So . .. here\'s my checkbook and my car-keys, my credit card bills and my 401K statements. I am officially resigning from adulthood.

And if you want to discuss this further, you\'ll have to catch me first, cause........ ......\"Tag! You\'re it.\"

Pass this to someone and brighten their day by helping them remember the Simple things in Life.

Hope Ya\'ll join me !', 'How To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity

1) At lunch time, sit in your parked car and point a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
2) Page yourself over the intercom. (Don\'t disguise your voice.)
3) Insist that your e mail address is:Xena-goddess-of-fire@companyname.com Elvis-the-King@companyname.com.
4) Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
5) Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing.
6) Put your garbage can on your desk and label it \"IN.\"
7) Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
8) Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
9) In the memo field of all your checks, write \'for sexual favors.\'
10) Reply to everything someone says with, \"That\'s what you think.\"!
11) Finish all your sentences with \"In accordance with the prophecy.\"
12) Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level lights up the entire work area. Insist to others that you like it that way.
13) Dont use any punctuation
14) As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
15) Ask people what sex they are.
16) Specify that your drive-through order is \"to go.\"
17) Sing Along at the opera.
18) Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don\'t rhyme.
19) Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is the opposite gender.)
20) Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them what you\'re doing. For example: If anyone needs me, I\'ll be in the bathroom.
21) Put mosquito netting around your cubicle.
22) Five days in advance, tell your friends you can\'t attend their party because ! you\'re not in the mood.
23) Call 911 and ask if 911 ! is for emergencies
24) Call the psychic hotline and just say, \"Guess\"
25) Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard.
26) When the money comes out of the ATM, scream \"I Won!\", \"I Won!\" \"3rd time this week!!!\"
27) When leaving the Zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling \"Run for your lives, they\'re loose!\"
28) Tell your boss, \"It\'s not the voices in my head that bother me, its the voices in your head that do\"
29) Tell your children over dinner. \"Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go\"
30) Everytime you see a broom yell \"Honey, your mother is here\"
**And the Final way to annoy People....... Send this e-mail to everyone in your address book, even if they sent it to you or have asked you not to send them stuff like this.
', '', 'Her name was Mrs. Thompson. As she stood in front of her 5th grade class on the very first day of school, she told the children a lie.

Like most teachers, she looked at her students and said that she loved them all the same. But that was impossible, because there in the front row, slumped in his seat, was a little boy named Teddy Stoddard.

Mrs. Thompson had watched Teddy the year before and noticed that he didn\'t play well with the other children, that his clothes were messy and that he constantly needed a bath. And Teddy could be unpleasant. It got to the point where Mrs.Thompson would actually take delight in marking his papers with a broad red pen, making bold X\'s and then putting a big \"F\" at the top of his papers.

At the school where Mrs. Thompson taught, she was required to review each child\'s past records and she put Teddy\'s off until last. However, when she reviewed his file, she was in for a surprise.

Teddy\'s first grade teacher wrote, \"Teddy is a bright child with a ready laugh. He does his work neatly and has good manners...he is a joy to be around.\"

His second grade teacher wrote, \"Teddy is an excellent student, well liked by his classmates, but he is troubled because his mother has a terminal illness and life at home must be a struggle.\"

His third grade teacher wrote, \"His mother\'s death has been hard on him. He tries to do his best, but his father doesn\'t show much interest and his home life will soon affect him if some steps aren\'t taken.\"

Teddy\'s fourth grade teacher wrote, \"Teddy is withdrawn and doesn\'t show much interest in school. He doesn\'t have many friends and he sometimes sleeps in class.\"

By now, Mrs. Thompson realized the problem and she was ashamed of herself. She felt even worse when her students brought her Christmas presents, wrapped in beautiful ribbons and bright paper, except for Teddy\'s. His present was clumsily wrapped in the heavy, brown paper that he got from a grocery bag.

Mrs.Thompson took pains to open it in the middle of the other presents. Some of the children started to laugh when she found a rhinestone bracelet with some of the stones missing, and a bottle that was one quarter full of perfume. But she stifled the children\'s laughter when she exclaimed how pretty the bracelet was, putting it on, and dabbing some of the perfume on her wrist.

Teddy Stoddard stayed after school that day just long enough to say, Mrs. Thompson, today you smelled just like my Mom used to.\" After the children left she cried for at least an hour. On that very day, she quit teaching reading, writing, and arithmetic. Instead, she began to teach children.

Mrs. Thompson paid particular attention to Teddy. As she worked with him, his mind seemed to come alive. The more she encouraged him, the faster he responded. By the end of the year, Teddy had become one of the smartest children in the class and, despite her lie that she would love all the children the same, Teddy became one of her \"teacher\'s pets.\"

A year later, she found a note under her door, from Teddy, telling her that she was still the best teacher he ever had in his whole life.

Six years went by before she got another note from Teddy. He then wrote that he had finished high school, third in his class, and she was still the best teacher he ever had in his whole life.

Four years after that, she got another letter, saying that while things had been tough at times, he\'d stayed in school, had stuck with it, and would soon graduate from college with the highest of honours. He assured Mrs.Thompson that she was still the best and favorite teacher he\'d ever had in his whole life.

Then four more years passed and yet another letter came. This time he explained that after he got his bachelor\'s degree, he decided to go a little further. The letter explained that she was still the best and favorite teacher he ever had. But now his name was a little longer the letter was signed, Theodore F. Stoddard, MD.

The story doesn\'t end there. You see, there was yet another letter that spring. Teddy said he\'d met this girl and was going to be married. He explained that his father had died a couple of years ago and he was wondering if Mrs. Thompson might agree to sit at the wedding in the place that was usually reserved for the mother of the groom.

Of course, Mrs. Thompson did. And guess what? She wore that bracelet, the one with several rhinestones missing. And she made sure she was wearing the perfume that Teddy remembered his mother wearing on their last Christmas together. They hugged each other, and Dr. Stoddard whispered in Mrs. Thompson\'s ear, \"Thank you Mrs. Thompson for believing in me. Thank you so much for making me feel important and showing me that I could make a difference\".

Mrs. Thompson, with tears in her eyes, whispered back. She said, \"Teddy, you have it all wrong. You were the one who taught me that I could make a difference. I didn\'t know how to teach until I met you.\"

Warm someone\'s heart today . . . pass this along. Please remember that wherever you go, and whatever you do, you will have the opportunity to touch and/or change a person\'s outlook. Please try to do it in a positive way. Today is the tomorrow you were worried about yesterday.', '', 'E-mail from God...

As you got up this morning, I watched you and hoped you would talk to me,even if it was just a few words, asking my opinion or thanking me for something good that happened in your life yesterday but I noticed you were too busy trying to find the right outfit to put on and wear to work. I waited again. When you ran around the house getting ready I knew there would be a few minutes for you to stop and say hello, but you were too busy. At one point you had to wait fifteen minutes with nothing to do except sit in a chair. Then I saw you spring to your feet. I thought you wanted to talk to me but you ran to the phone and called a friend to get the latest gossip. I watched as you went to work and I waited patiently all day long. With all your activities I guess you were too busy to say anything to me. I noticed that before lunch you looked around, maybe you felt embarrassed to talk to me, that is why you didn\'t bow your head. You glanced at three or four tables over and you noticed some of your friends talking to me briefly before they ate, but you didn\'t. That\'s okay. There is still more time left, and I have hope that you will talk to me yet. You went home and it seems as if you had lots of things to do. After a few of them were done you turned on the TV, I don\'t know if you like TV or not, just about anything goes. You spend a lot of time each day in front of it, not thinking about you watched the TV and ate your meal but again you didn\'t talk to me. Bedtime I guess you felt too tired. After you said goodnight to your family you plopped into bed and fell asleep in no time. That\'s okay because you may not realize that I am always there for you. I\'ve got patience more than you will ever know. I even want to teach you how to be patient with others as well. I love you so much that I wait everyday for a nod, prayer or thought or a thankful part of your heart. It is hard to have a one-sided conversation. Well you are getting up again and once again I will wait with nothing but love for you hoping that today you will give me some time. Have a nice day! Love, GOD

P.S. Do you have enough time to send this to a friend?', 'Thought of the Day: When LIFE ....

When the door of happiness closes, another opens, but often times we look so long at the closed door that we don\'t see the one which has been opened for us.

The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch and swing with, they are listening to every word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you\'ve ever had.

It\'s true that we don\'t know what we\'ve got until we lose it, but it\'s also true that we don\'t know what we\'ve been missing until it arrives.

Giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they\'ll love you back! Don\'t expect love in return; just wait for it to grow in their heart but if it doesn\'t, be content it grew in yours.

It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone, but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.

Don\'t go for looks; they can deceive. Don\'t go for wealth; even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright. Find the one that makes your heart smile.

There are moments in life when you miss someone so much that you just want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real!

Dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go; be what you want to be, because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you want to do.

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human, enough hope to make you happy.

Always put yourself in others\' shoes. If you feel that it hurts you, it probably hurts the other person, too.

The happiest of people don\'t necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.

Happiness lies for those who cry, those who hurt, those who have searched, and those who have tried, for only they can appreciate the importance of people who have touched their lives.

Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss and ends with a tear.

The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past, you can\'t go on well in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.

Is it possible that meeting what seems to be a few wrong people before meeting the right people in your life is so that when we finally meet those people, we will know how to be grateful for that gift.

When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so that when you die, you\'re the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.

', '', 'Old Timer\'s Poem

A computer was something on TV
From a science fiction show of note.
A window was something you hated to clean...
And ram was the cousin of a goat...

Meg was the name of a girl
And gig was a job for the nights
Now they all mean different things
And that really mega bytes

An application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A cursor used profanity
A keyboard was a piano

Memory was something that you lost with age
A CD was a bank account
And if you had a 3-inch floppy
You hoped nobody found out

Compress was something you did to the garbage
Not something you did to a file
And if you unzipped anything in public
You\'d be in jail for a while

Log on was adding wood to the fire
Hard drive was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
And a backup happened to your commode

Cut you did with a pocket knife
Paste you did with glue
A web was a spider\'s home
And a virus was the flu

I guess I\'ll stick to my pen and paper
And the memory in my head
I hear nobody\'s been killed in a computer crash
But when it happens they wish they were dead!

', '', 'Old Timer\'s Poem

A computer was something on TV
From a science fiction show of note.
A window was something you hated to clean...
And ram was the cousin of a goat...

Meg was the name of a girl
And gig was a job for the nights
Now they all mean different things
And that really mega bytes

An application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A cursor used profanity
A keyboard was a piano

Memory was something that you lost with age
A CD was a bank account
And if you had a 3-inch floppy
You hoped nobody found out

Compress was something you did to the garbage
Not something you did to a file
And if you unzipped anything in public
You\'d be in jail for a while

Log on was adding wood to the fire
Hard drive was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
And a backup happened to your commode

Cut you did with a pocket knife
Paste you did with glue
A web was a spider\'s home
And a virus was the flu

I guess I\'ll stick to my pen and paper
And the memory in my head
I hear nobody\'s been killed in a computer crash
But when it happens they wish they were dead!

', 'How To Know Whether Or Not You Are Ready To Have Children.

THE MESS TEST

Smear peanut butter on your sofa and curtains. Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer. Practice writing on the wall with a Hershey Bar Carefully load a sandwich into the VCR, see if it can record anything. Press EJECT when done. Find the tallest place in your home (vaulted ceilings are the best) and splash some tar-like substance in the corner. Wonder how anything could get there in the first place, without scaffolding.

THE TOY TEST

Obtain a 55 gallon box of Legos (you may substitute roofing tacks). Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream because this would wake a child at night.

THE GROCERY STORE TEST

Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you while you shop. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage.

THE DRESSING TEST

Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff into a small, net bag making sure that all the arms stay inside.

THE FEEDING TEST

Obtain a large, plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend from the ceiling with a cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal into the mouth of the jug, while pretending to be an airplane. Now dump the jug\'s contents on the floor.

THE NIGHT TEST

Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8-12 pounds of sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 3:00p.m. begin to waltz and hum with the bag until 9:00p.m. Lay down your bag and set your alarm for 10:00p.m. Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you have ever heard. Make up about a dozen more of your own and sing these too until 4:00a.m. Set alarm for 5:00 a.m. Get up and make breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years. Look cheerful at all times!

THE INGENUITY TEST

Take an egg carton. Using a pair of scissors and pot of paint, turn it into an alligator. Now take a toilet paper tube and turn it into an attractive Christmas candle. Use only scotch tape and a piece of foil. Last, take a milk carton, a Ping-Pong ball, and an empty box of Cocoa Puffs. Make an exact replica of the Eiffel Tower. Item must be complete and perfect within 30-60 minutes!

THE AUTOMOBILE TEST

Forget the BMW and buy a station wagon. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there. Get a dime. Stick it into the cassette player. Take a family size package of chocolate chip cookies. Mash them into the back seat. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car. Bend antenna into fabulous W, since radio reception is much improved. There ..... perfect.

THE PHYSICAL TEST (Women)

Obtain a large bean bag chair and attach it to the front of your clothes. Leave it there for 9 months. Now remove half of the beans. Leave it on for the rest of your life.

THE PHYSICAL TEST (Men)

Go to the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on the counter. Tell the clerk to help himself. Now proceed to the nearest food store. Go to the head office and arrange for your paycheck to be directly deposited to the store\'s account. Purchase a newspaper. Go home and read it quietly for the last time.

THE FINAL ASSIGNMENT

Find a couple who already have a small child. Lecture them on how they can improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet training, and child\'s table manners. Suggest many ways they can improve. Emphasize to them that they should never allow their children to run wild. Enjoy this experience, since it will be the last time you will have all the answers', '\"The Unmoved Rock\" (Unknown Author)

Once upon a time, there was a man who was sleeping at night in his cabin, when suddenly his room filled with light and the Savior appeared. The Lord told the man He had work for him to do, and showed him a large rock in front of his cabin. The Lord explained that the man was to push against the rock with all his might.

This, the man did, day after day. For many years he toiled from Sun up to Sun down, his shoulders set squarely against the cold, massive surface of the unmoving rock, pushing with all his might. Each night the man returned to his cabin . . . sore and worn out, feeling that his whole day had been spent in vain.

Seeing that the man was showing signs of discouragement, Satan decided to enter the picture placing thoughts into the man\'s mind such as: \"You have been pushing against that rock for a long time, and it hasn\'t budged. Why kill yourself over this? You are never going to move it.\" This gave the man the impression that the task was impossible and that he was a failure.

These thoughts discouraged and disheartened the man even more. \"Why kill myself over this?\" he thought. \"I\'ll just put in my time, giving just the minimum of effort and that will be good enough.\" And that he planned to do until one day he decided to make it a matter of prayer and take his troubled thoughts to the Lord.

\"Lord,\" he said, \"I have labored long and hard in Your service, putting all my strength to do that which You have asked. Yet, after all this time, I have not even budged that rock a half a millimeter. What is wrong? Why am I failing?\"

The Lord responded compassionately:

\"My child, when long ago I asked you to serve Me and you accepted, I told you that your task was to push against the rock with all your strength, which you have done. Never once did I mention to you that I expected you to move it.

\"Your task was to push. And now you come to Me, your strength spent, thinking that you have failed. But, is that really so? Look at yourself. Your arms are strong and muscled, your back sinewed and brown, your hands are callused from constant pressure and your legs have become massive and hard.

\"Through opposition, you have grown much, and your abilities now surpass that which you used to have. Yet you haven\'t moved the rock. But your calling was to be obedient, to push and exercise your faith, and trust in My wisdom. This you have done. I, my child, will now move the rock.\"

\"Trust in God with all your heart; do not rely on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him; then He will level your paths.\" Proverbs 3:5-6', 'SIGNS THAT YOU\'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THE 90\'S

1) You try to enter your password on the microwave.

2) You haven\'t played patience with real cards in years.

3) You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.

4) You e-mail your work colleague at the desk next to you to ask \" Do you fancy going down to the pub?\" and they reply \"Yeah, give me five minutes\".

5) You chat several times a day with a stranger from South America, but you haven\'t spoken to your next door neighbour yet this year.

6) You buy a computer and a week later it is out of date.

7) Your reason for not staying in touch with friends is that they do not have e-mail addresses.

8) You consider Royal Mail painfully slow or call it \"snail mail\". 9) Your idea of being organised is multiple coloured post-it notes.

10) You hear most of your jokes via e-mail instead of in person.

11) When you go home after a long day at work you still answer your phone in a business manner.

12) When you make phonecalls from home, you accidently insert a \"0\" to get an outside line.

13) You\'ve sat at the same desk for four years and worked for three different companies.

14) Your company welcome sign is attached in Velcro.

15) Your CV is on a diskette in your pocket.

16) You really get excited about a 1. 7% pay rise.

17) You learn about your redundancy on the 9. o\'clock news.

18) Your biggest loss from a system crash is that you lose all your best jokes.

19) Your supervisor doesn\'t have the ability to do your job.

20) Contractors outnumber permanent staff and are more likely to get long service rewards.

21) Board members salaries are higher than all the Third World countries annual budgets combined.

22) It\'s dark when you drive to and from work, even in the summer.

23) You know exactly how many days you\'ve got left until you retire.

24) Interviewees, despite not haveing the relevant knowledge or experience, terminate the interview when told of the starting salary.

25) You see a good looking, smart person and you know it must be a visitor.

26) Free food left over from meetings is your staple diet.

27) The work experience person gets a brand-new state-of-the-art laptop with all the features, while you have time to go for lunch while yours powers up.

28) Being sick is defined as you can\'t walk or you\'re in hospital.

29) You\'re already late on the assignment you just got.

30) There\'s no money in the budget for the five permanent staff your department is short of, but they can afford four full time management consultants advising you\'re boss\'s boss on strategy.

31) You\'re boss\'s favourite line are: When you\'ve got a few minutes. \"Could you fit this in?... In you\'re spare time...when you\'re freed up...I know you\'re busy but.....I have an opportunity for you...\"

32) Holiday is something you roll over to next year.

33) Every week another brown collection envelope comes round because someone you didn\'t know had started is leaving.

34) You wonder who\'s going to be left to put into your \"leaving\" collection.

35) Your relatives and family describe your job as \"works with computers.\"

36) The only reason you recognise your kids is because their pictures are on your desk.

37) You only have make-up for fluorescent lighting.

38) You read the entire list, kept nodding and smiling.

39) As you read this list, you think about forwarding it to your \"mates you send jokes to\" e-mail group.

40) It crosses your mind that your jokes group may have seen this list already, but you can\'t be bothered to check so you forward it anyway.

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