Have you ever stopped to think about how your beliefs impact your personal relationships—how false expectations can keep love away from you or undermine the relationship you are in? The fact is, you really do have the power within you to create the ideal love relationship for yourself, whether you are in a relationship and want to make it better, or if you wish to find the perfect relationship and not sabotage it.
Just to show you how much beliefs can influence your relationship, today I wish to share with you how InnerTalk played a huge part in not only saving my own marriage, but in totally turning it around!
Eldon and I have now been married over 25 years, and while we are always being asked about the secret to a successful relationship, things have not always been smooth sailing. There is a lot I could share with you but today I want to take you to the lowest part of our marriage. At this time we were incredibly close to calling it quits and it was for the sake of our young son that we decided to try just one more time! Now, I should say at this point, that what I am about to share with you is just the story from my own perspective—Eldon has his own version of events, along with his own set of techniques that he used to deal with our issues. The fact is, the final outcome is due to how our techniques, attitudes and desires found common ground—but as I said, this is my story.
One of the signs of a deteriorating relationship is the increasing frequency of disagreements and arguments, and Eldon and I were no different—we could not seem to agree on anything, and major arguments could spring out of nothing. In fact, one of the best indications that we had fully revived the romance and love in our relationship was the day we had an argument, but within half an hour we were both laughing together at our own ludicrous behavior. But I am jumping ahead.
There is a common saying that goes, ‘it takes two to tango,’ and it’s easy to think that this applies to relationships too—a relationship can only be successful if both parties want it to be. While there may be lots of truth to this, I decided to approach things differently. One of the cornerstones of Eldon’s teachings has to do with self-responsibility—taking personal responsibility for everything that happens in your life. While I would be the first to agree that this really cannot hold for everything (Elizabeth Smart certainly bore no responsibility for her kidnapping), this can be a very empowering attitude to adopt. If the problems in a relationship are all the fault of the other person, then there is nothing you can do about it. If you are doing something to create it, then there is a lot you can do. I know there will be many who are resistive to this idea, but I decided to give it a go—what did I have to lose?
At first I simply tried the self-responsible attitude on to see how it fit. Could I really be the one at fault? From then on, I made a conscious effort to stop blaming—I actually negated my blaming thoughts as soon as they would pop into my mind—and instead I looked inwards to see what I was doing to create this situation. It is amazing how differently you see the world when you look at it through this lens. I no longer assumed that his intentions were to hurt my feelings and this allowed a different picture to form.
The God Within
Sometimes we learn much needed strategies from unlikely sources. Even though I am East Indian, where the traditional greeting is a joining of the hands instead of a handshake, it was a lecture by Joseph Campbell that gave me new insights, and therefore another technique. Campbell explained that this Indian greeting was a way of acknowledging the God within the other person. Now, this was a far cry from the way my mother had explained this to me, but I decided to go with it. From that point on, whenever an interaction would start going in a direction I did not like, I would deliberately look at Eldon differently. I would put my hands together in the traditional Indian greeting, except that, when sitting down, I would tuck my joined hands between my knees. As such, he had no idea what I was doing, but I was consciously focusing my energy on seeing the God within him. This turned out to be a great way to diffuse potentially volatile situations, and once again it allowed me to see things with different eyes. I did not have to assume the worst. By giving him the benefit of the doubt I began to see how often I had in fact been wrong.
In time, the two techniques above became a habit and as a result our relationship stopped it downwards plunge and actually began to reverse. However, I was still feeling pretty bruised—my feelings had been hurt and, as our relationship healed, the buried hurt started to make itself heard. This alone could have derailed the progress we had made—it was hard for me to open up and trust, and a relationship cannot survive without this. This time, I turned to the InnerTalk program, Enhancing Romance, Intimacy and Love. Eldon and I often play an InnerTalk program all night long while we sleep, so I just replaced the one we had been playing (Quantum Younging I think) with Enhancing Romance, Intimacy and Love. A number of years prior I had played the Releasing Anger program (for a different reason totally unrelated to my relationship with Eldon) and was amazed to feel the anger simply dissipate—that alone was quite an experience. This, however was very similar to my experience playing Enhancing Romance, Intimacy and Love—that boxed in feeling just seemed to dissipate and I found myself able to be trusting, open and engaging in my relationship. As I opened up, Eldon reflected this attitude back to me, and our relationship began its journey into positive territory. We mirrored loving thoughts to each other, held positive expectations, and accumulated happy experiences. All this combined to bring us to where we are today—best friends, lovers, partners, and students of life on a combined journey!
Change your Thinking, Change your Relationship
To assist you in your relationship, and in preparation for Valentine’s Day, we have put our two Romance collections on sale. Whether you wish to improve the relationship you are in, or find your perfect partner, we have the solutions.
Enhance Your Love Relationship
Bring back the magic to your relationship. Rekindle those warm feelings of love, respect and companionship. Relight the fire of passion. Listen and be heard. Let your own personality shine.
This special Enhancing Your Love Relationship collection consists of:
- Enhancing Romance, Intimacy and Love
- Intimacy and Relationships
- I Listen Intently
- I am Charismatic
It is possible for everyday of your relationship to feel like a honeymoon. Is there anything more important than the health of your personal relationship? Act now and allow the love to flourish. Click here for more details.
Attract Your Perfect Partner
There are a number of aspects that can hinder your chances of finding that perfect love. Are your ideas so fixed that you do not even see when someone is interested in you? Are you hanging out in all the wrong places? Are you wearing a ‘keep away’ sign without even realizing it? Do you put on a false face, one that you think will attract people, but which scares your perfect partner away or simply attracts those you have zero real interest in? Are you so afraid of being rejected that you do the rejecting first?
To find the perfect partner, you must first like yourself and then let others see the wonderful person that you are. You need to do those things that you enjoy, as that way you increase the chances of meeting someone who likes the same things. You have to put yourself out there, willing to risk. You need to practice the skills at making a potential partner feel comfortable with you—listening, caring and sharing.
This special Attracting Your Perfect Partner collection consists of:
- Attract the Right Love Relationship
- Releasing the Fear of Rejection
- I Listen Intently
- Magnetic Personality
Spend a little time changing your own thoughts about yourself and your chances of a relationship and then step out of the way so your perfect love relationship can come in! Act now and allow the love to flourish. Click here for more details.
Changing your thinking and enhance your relationship—it is up to you!
Wishing you Love, Light, and Laughter, always!
P.S. If you enjoy these newsletters, please remember to share them with your friends and family. There are easy share buttons at the top of this newsletter. Please also be sure to friend me and Eldon on Facebook as we both love interacting with you all. You can also read (and subscribe to) Eldon’s regular blog here.